A temp.

Ive been thinking alot lately. As usual. Would just wander off before i could even finish reading a page or two of the book. Yknow having mixed feelings about everything and such. Its neither of our faults. But i'm just feeling apologetic. Very apologetic. I don't know what can i do to make you feel better cos i know how that feels like. I totally do. And at the end of the day if the decision i made was a bad choice, at least i tried my best and followed my heart. Just that very last bit of faith.

That aside, school's been good. My groupies are nice. Feeling all blessed already. Thanks d.

Space

My doubts and insecurities seem like they've just, disappeared. Temporary, for sure. Snipped Off quite a fair bit of my fringe and been spending time mending things up with sk and realised how much privacy, space and time for other things mean so much to me. Feeling all suffocated. Things are just different now. Im wondering if I'm asking for too much like wanting the best of both worlds when obviously it's not gonna be easy, or even possible in this case. We'll find a way, I guess. Sorry this space's been rather dull, full of my emotional self. Just needed a space to make myself feel better, didn't think I'd have readers til I saw the blog's stats and formspring. And im like Ooo. I'm feeling obliged to refrain from ranting too much.

For i dont know.

Been babysitting my baby nephew and thinking about many things when he's asleep recently. Felt redundant, like my emotions. Sometimes its like this, the other times, its like - that. You know the all getting hurt and everything and suddenly you just stop crying because you realised youre so used it, it doesn't hurt anymore subconsciously. '

How does it feel like when you no longer love someone  you used to love so much. Not because you didn't really love them but for everything that happened, but maybe it just happens gradually, overtime. But how does that feel like when the whole time you're just so caught with the mentality of loving that someone; just because its been so long. so long. Is it temporary. Does love emanate from all the things you've been through. Or rather, you're just too used to being with that one person, it seemed hard to move on. And what if the negativity overpowers the memories. what if there's more things you wanna forget than remember.

Moving on aside, how does it feel like to not love someone as much but still hold on to that last bit of faith because you have no confidence in anyone else anymore. And does it matter if both parties get back together. For it feels empty. Everything that happened stays. It lingers. Bad ones especially. How do we make the emptiness disappear. You'd ask if i love you. But whats loving when you're constantly getting obstacles after obstacles thrown at you. And they're always the one obstructing at the end of the day, even if its been solved. Its like you love but you cant. You do but you dont. Uh..... huh.

If i could change anything. I wont step a step closer. Not a single chance.I know. my posts are all about my emotions. But i just needed a space to rant.

On a side note. School's starting in 4 days. Hope i'd be comfortable with the new class.

"Don't be cause in my mind is all about you and thinking of what I can do to make you happy so go to bed."

Sticks and stones may break your bones but words don't. Words shouldn't, but, unfortunately, they do. They hurt the most actually. It lingers you see.

Spent the last week chilling with the cousin. By the pool, out stargazing at the rooftop, taking time to think about what life's taking me to. Quiet nights like these, I needed. I don't know if we did the right thing. For it hasn't been easy. You make me happy. But every night now feels surreal. I'm afraid. So afraid to fully let you back in. I don't know how am I gonna do this. Victim of my own mind. It's been quite a while, will everything be what you said we could have been? I don't know. Time will tell.

Does it really make you feel better? It's getting pointless, but I'm glad my girls are with me. I can't do anything else. I don't wanna stay home. I don't wanna over think. It lingers, the pain lingers. They say when you stop chasing the wrong person, you're giving the right one a chance to chase after you. But it's not something you can control. I don't need you , but I'm just not taking us for granted, because love like this is not easy to come by. J, I'm sorry.

I'm freed bitches.

I thought i knew you the best. But i don't feel you anymore. I used to.

Why would you wanna tell her something she doesn't need to know, something that you know will crush her entirely. Epitome of a douchebag. It hurts me so much to see her being this depressed but my mind was blank, i didn't know what to say or do because i'm barely coping myself. See what i mean, i'm an emotional wreck.This is fuckery. Hopefully, the following nights make everyone feel better. Toodz

Love our love more. Please.

Take a break, heart.

How much more trust can a heart that has been hurt, that has experienced that nothing lasts, have at the end of it all?

So much to say, i figured i need a blog.

Always caught up with you, i almost forgot how blessed i am.Time passed so fast i barely remember anything. Called the wrong person. Met the wrong people. Said things i shouldn't have said, things i don't even tell my bestest friends, things i struggled to keep it all in. Then i realised, you're not affected. You're still the same, old you - the one i fell for, but i just shouldn't do this anymore. You're hurting me, I'm hurting myself.

You made me do the silliest things i thought i'd never do in my life and realised what a mess i can be. Everyone makes mistakes, but the mistakes i made, they were to much to bear. It haunts me, every night. Its not easy. I'd pray and pray and pray, but when the day breaks, i still feel empty, rather. Because i feel more for people than i should - I need to be selfish too.

"Earlier this afternoon, my emotional self was a wreck as I had left it last night. The peace I asked for had lasted me only after so long because I never went back to seeking it. Rather, I used the rest of the night to entertain my insecurities and the lack I had so foolishly led to take over me overflowed into today."

The only person i can ever relate to. I love you liling.

Things will get better, they always do. If its meant to be, it will be. If it doesn't, it's time to love myself a little more, too.

Time after time

I want. :(

You'll be the only light i see

Huizhen's Biggie on Saturday, gonna pray B's willing to join me. Bad things always happen when he's not around me. Im glad we talked things out, really really glad that we did. I never knew i meant that much. We've wasted too much time.

Anticipating upcoming hols, lynette ling kel ez nicole mr sairi frolick shushu girls shop party sleep play. Sounds fattishly goood. Shall force jing to make me lose weight too. WHY EVERYONE SKINNY I STILL FAT? Skinny here i come! Wait and see.

Shaky, rough times. Going strong, finally.
Thank God.